Crossbow Requiem
by YaoiSongstress07
Summary: Yuki's POV. Unable to take any more abuse, Shuichi stormed out of the writer's life. Hiding the truth from innocent violet eyes, Yuki has retreated into a world of medications and depression. How is he coping with the absence of his soul mate?


Hey there, chaps and lassies. You have entered the Crossbow Requiem, a tale that will commemorate my return to the Gravitation fandom! Whether or not the return will be permanent remains to be seen. Putting that aside, I am proud to say that this was inspired by the author of Sewn Shut. Her newest project, done through Shuichi's eyes, was bloody brilliant. I never thought I'd make another entrance, but then I discovered Shuichi's latest descent into mind-boggling madness. So, without further ado, I give you the fruit of inspiration. I give you the result of a serendipity!

**_Warning: Several readers consider my work to be fluffy. If you're NOT A FAN OF FLUFF, please don't partake of this adventure! I specialize in fluff! I also do not want any feedback stating nothing but technical errors! I AM NOT WRITING A TERM PAPER, AND DO NOT WISH TO HAVE PROFESSORS OUTSIDE OF COLLEGE! THANKS KIDS!_**

**_Disclaimer: As you already know, I am not officially attached to Maki Murakami's Gravitation series._**

* * *

_"If you love him so much, why don't you join him?!"_

_"You're nothing but a heartless, self-centered bastard! You don't do anything but use people for your own gain!"_

_"Die die die! I wish you had died with your precious Kitazawa, you disgusting son of a bitch!"_

_"You'll always be alone! You'll die alone!"_

He struck me.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Shuichi Shindou, the world's cuddliest ball of cotton candy, beat the living shit out of me.

What? Don't believe me? Well, I don't blame you. You probably think Shuichi's no different from a kitten. You've seen him on billboards, heard him in record stores, and chatted about him on the Web. To you he's just as harmless as a baby bird, able to charm dragons out of caverns. You've heard him speak, and his voice is sweeter than saltwater taffy. He's got the demeanor of an infant, eyes that were carved by blissful angels, and the unbelievable innocence of a newborn. I'm not going to say you're wrong in any of those departments, because I've been with him. I know him. I had him in my arms, and I threw him away.

I, the invincible Eiri Yuki, threw away the world's most precious pearl.

People want different things out of life. Some want to be filthy, bitchy millionaires with nothing to care for. Some want to have their own family. Others chase after their dreams, endangering their lives for a wish that may not come true. Some starve to become artists and dancers. What do I want out of life, you ask? It's not money. It isn't a fancy estate. I don't even give a damn about my Mercedes in the parking lot.

Everything I've ever wanted is gone. Long gone. And he has every right to be out of my life.

I loved him. I still love him, and always will. I'll forever be crazy about him. Did I ever tell him any of that? Of course not. Like the selfish bastard I am, I pushed him away. The more I ached for him, the more I drove him away. I couldn't stand keeping the world's most beautiful songbird locked inside of my cage, so I forced him away. I transformed into a foaming, raging beast. I thrust him out of my arms, all because I didn't want to be a damned criminal. As I told you before, I didn't want to keep him locked up. He's much too precious, much too beautiful, to be with a cold-blooded prick like me.

I couldn't keep him near me. It just wasn't right. He was Heaven's little songbird, and I was the beast from one of his Disney movies. I had to bury my past underneath the carpet because of his innocence. I also did it because of fear. I was scared shitless of having him reject me. Would you find it easy to tell an angel how you killed someone? I didn't have the strength to. I still don't. I know it doesn't make much sense, but I didn't want Shuichi to see the darkness inside of me. I didn't want to open the pages of a blood-encrusted, semen-soaked life. I wanted to keep the Kitazawa Files on lock down, just to protect his beautiful violet eyes. I ended up pushing him away anyways, so I know I sound like an idiot, but...I just didn't want him to see. And I sure as Hell didn't want to keep him.

Loving him just wasn't right. I was a slave to his every move, but my leash was made of primal devotion.

Pristine and divine, he was a mirage that plagued my nights. He was effervescent and ephemeral, a painting that crushed the Mona Lisa-and everything inside of the Sistine Chapel. His smiles had enough power to warm an entire galaxy, but they were wasted inside of my damned house. He showered them on other people, yeah, but they all deserved to see him smile. Hiro, K, Suguru and his adoring fans deserved to see him happy. They still do. I didn't deserve anything he gave me, and don't ever expect that to change. Brighter than any star in the night sky, he was the glowing personification of Heaven. The world deserves to hold his light, but I don't.

On a night that couldn't have been any colder, he hit me. I don't remember how many times, because it was a little difficult to count. You'd say the same thing if someone bashed your head in. I can't even remember what he struck me with. Whatever it was, it felt no different from a brick. But that didn't matter to me. The whole hitting thing wasn't the problem. Recalling the pain on his face is what brings me grief. He could've killed me, and I wouldn't feel any different. His heart was in shards, all over the damn floor, and I hated it. I took a bat and shattered his heart, and all of his fairy tale dreams. I killed Shuichi Shindou that night, and he vanished without a trace. He had every right to end my miserable excuse of a life. I wish he had. I committed a crime worthy of capital punishment.

I took something wondrously precious and shattered it.

Bad Luck left for Vegas weeks ago. Shuichi probably gathered the strength he needed to move on from Hiro. Or Ryuichi. They both worship the ground he walks on.

I'm no different, but I'm a spawn of the Devil.

He's hooked up with someone named Russell. Russell Akaban, if I'm not mistaken. They met shortly after the ball of fluff landed in Vegas. Probably found each other in the airport. The news doesn't fill me in on EVERY detail, whether it's on TV or the damn Web.

I wouldn't be surprised if Hiro hooked him up. He deserves to be happy. Earth's angel deserves the sun, the universe, and everything else I couldn't give him.

I love him. I love him but he's gone. He's gone and it's all my damned fault. He's gone and I pushed him away.

He's making love to someone else and I pushed him away. He belongs to someone else and I'm gone. I'm empty. I'm nothing. Life is nothing.

He's gone and so am I. I'm lifeless.

He's gone. My Shuichi is gone, and he'll never know anything. He'll never know...

...just how much I ache.

I hope I've taken enough of these damn meds. I'm supposed to sign onto this damn chat room, but I can't read my own screen. He'll be wondering where DarkTwilight is, and DarkTwilight won't be able to answer. He won't be able to do a damn thing.

Wow. Everything's so blurry. Hope these meds are working.

* * *

_"Eiri? Eiri! Eiri, wake up! Eiriiiii! Don't do this to me, Eiri! Please don't! Wake up! Eiri!"_

"Kitty cat, you're still playing with that thing? You've been Blackberry crazy all day long!"

"Don't be mean to me, Hiro! I'm waiting for my friend to log on! I haven't spoken to him today!"

"You know, you're spending an awful amount of time with that DT of yours. Russell isn't jealous yet?"

"Nah. He knows DarkTwilight's my friend. I hope he's okay..."

_Please be all right. I may not know your true name, but you mean so much to me! You've been with me ever since my heart was broken! You've been right by my side! Please, please be all right Twilight!_

* * *

This was composed to the main theme of 'The Tudors', one of the greatest songs ever written. Thank Trevor Morris.

Just in case you were confused by the end, Yuki's web name is DarkTwilight. Shuichi would rather slit his own throat than speak to his first true flame, so Yuki created another identity in order to stand as Shuichi's guardian angel. Here's the thing, though. Shuichi's incredibly close to the devoted DarkTwilight, who held his hand through an intolerable break up. The self-degrading, gloomy DT is a warm, eternally loyal friend to the rock star-and it's the same man Shuichi broke up with! Bwah ha ha. Go figure.

Tohma's the one crying out for Yuki. As you probably guessed, Tohma vowed to remain by Yuki's side-and uphold his role as nurse. Speaking of nurse, Yuki received depression drugs from the hospital. The doctors were against his wishes, but after a tearful plea, they gave into their patient's wishes. As we all know, though, depression drugs come with a walloping set of side effects-especially if they're misused. AND THIS BEARS ABSOLUTELY NO REFERENCE TO THE MICHAEL JACKSON ORDEAL. NONE WHATSOEVER. XD

So! Did you like?! I hope so. Thank you for reading!


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